Are you using your fear properly?

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I recently had a friend ask me about fear, how to think about it and handle it. I pondered for a bit and asked myself why we have fears in the first place.

Do children have natural fear? In some instances, yes, particularly as they age into adolescence. One thing I have learned by being the father of a little boy is that they generally are not scared to jump off the top of a slide or run headlong into a flying flip. It never crossed my son’s mind that this might be dangerous. It’s my job to teach him that. So far, he hasn’t hurt himself doing it. He is better at it now than he used to be, so much so that his first gymnastics coach asked where he learned to tumble. “From being a boy with no inhibition.”

Part of being a martial arts instructor (or any kind of teacher) is getting your students to release the fears they have been taught and quit focusing on the “What ifs.” “What if I get hurt?” “What if what you teach disagrees with what I’ve previously learned?” “What if…”

Some people fear uncertainty. Humans tend to be risk-averse. This is an economic term meaning a person is cautious of losing and seeks a safer investment option. Many people would rather not lose than win. That’s not a paradox. You see this in martial arts too. In competition, we may play it safe and not go for a submission or takedowns because we might lose our position or footing. Afraid to fall. Afraid to fail. I recently told a student at my college, “A ship is safer in the harbor, but that’s not what it was built for.” We should never let the fear of the unknown stop us from seeking new things.

We often don’t realize that our fears are merely misguided perceptions. Seneca wrote, “We are more often frightened than hurt, and we suffer more from imagination than from reality.” You might take a step back from whatever is blocking your way and causing your fear. Examine it for what it truly is. Tim Ferris says defining your fears is more important than defining your goals. Those fears may be what is keeping you from obtaining your goals.

Another way to cope with the anxiety caused by fear is to use negative visualization (premeditatio malorum). Think about the absolute worst outcome for a scenario. If it pertains to martial arts, it might be that you break a limb during training (happened to me) or you tear up another student’s knee (also happened to me). In life, it might be that you ponder what would happen if your wife died suddenly of a heart attack or that a drunk driver hit your children. I know this sounds heinous, but by going ahead and processing what you might feel and visualizing the worst cases, you are freer to embrace the adventure and live in the moment. Understanding that life generally happens on the continuum of best case and worst case scenarios, if you prepare mentally for the worst, falling somewhere in the middle is a plus.

One of the most widely realized fears is the fear of death. Are you afraid of dying? Why? I typically look to Stoicism for answers to life, but in the case of death, I will defer to Epicurus. He wrote, “Death is nothing to us.” It is futile to the living because if you are alive, you are not dead. And it is fruitless to the dead because if you are dead, you have cannot care one way or another.

My question is, if death is what stops you in your tracks, perhaps you have not embraced living to its fullest. Marcus Aurelius (back to the Stoics) wrote, “You will give yourself peace of mind if you perform every act of your life as if it were your last.”

I have learned to embrace the uncertainty that drives our fear. I thrive on that chaos, that whirlwind, to use a Biblical analogy. The presence of fear should be an indication of something unknown. If you can harness it and turn it into excitement about learning something new or the potential to overcome an obstacle, it can be a powerful tool. When you step into the ring or on the competition stage, you may lose the match. But if you focus only on winning or losing, you lose sight of a bigger picture: the chance to learn and grow.

What fears are you experiencing? Do they stem from winning/losing? Getting hurt? Dying? What are you doing to use that fear or overcome it?

 

 

 

Jedi Lifestyle: 3 Ways to Use the Force

Other than a few random sheltered individuals, most people know who the Jedi are. Who doesn’t love master Yoda and even have a special place in their hearts for Darth Vader, the Jedi who was led astray by his anger and the dark side?

What if the Jedi were real people? Who might they be? What might they try to teach you? We know levitation and ESP are not currently available and lightsabers are still a few years in the making. I can think of a few teachers who might embody the spirit of the Jedi: Angela Duckworth (Grit), Carol Dweck (Mindset), and lastly, a real-life Yoda, Epictetus (Will Power). Each of these individuals brings an element to the table which is needed to create a successful attitude and mentality.

What is Grit? According to Duckworth, grit is about effort. This includes both Perseverance: working hard even in the face of setbacks; and Consistency: sticking to your goals. Duckworth conducted a study on West Point cadets which demonstrated that the students who ranked higher on her grit scale had the highest GPAs. In her studies, she illustrated that grit has more to do with success than IQ, which is constant over time whereas grit can change.

How can you grow your grit? Duckworth suggests focusing on your effort instead of your talents. We tend to plateau faster if we only work on the things at which we are naturally good. This also plays to the idea that habit overcomes obstacles in our training and our lives. Through consistent practice, there is no technique or skill we cannot master.

To stay the course in our training or in life, we need people who are going to push us to be better every day. Therefore, associate with achievers and radiators instead of drains, to quote a mentor of mine. Seek out and align yourself with the people who will make you better.

Perhaps the most essential element of grit is your frame of mind. Mindset matters most. Remember that. What is Mindset? According to Dweck, there are two kinds:

  • Fixed mindset
    • intelligence and ability are innate
    • avoid challenges and give up easily
    • compare themselves to others
    • do not value criticism or feedback
    • focus on the grade of the assignment
  • Growth mindset
    • ability can be developed through effort
    • seek challenges in the face of failure
    • compare themselves to yesterday
    • criticism or feedback is welcomed
    • focus on learning the material

It is imperative for us to maintain the proper mindset when we begin training. Never say to yourself, “I’m not a math person” or “I will never understand this technique.” That is defeatism and a fixed mindset. Get rid of it.

Ok. We’ve discussed grit and mindset. How do we use the force?

Remember what Yoda said to young Luke: “Beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will…” ― Yoda.

Don’t panic and get angry. That’s the dark side. Focus on what is in your control and on getting the job done. Longtime student of Epictetus and devout Stoic, Jim Stockdale once wrote, “Each individual brings about his own good and his own evil, his good fortune, his ill fortune, his happiness, and his wretchedness.” Regardless of the circumstance or situation, it is up to you to grow your grit and mature your mindset. Stockdale went from being an officer over numerous men to being a prisoner tied to a post in a manner of minutes. His status in life changed, but not his grit or his mindset. Epictetus once said, “Circumstances don’t make the man, they only reveal him to himself.”

What circumstance or trial are you going through today that will help you grow your grit and mindset?

The Books You Read Are Safe…

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I had an epiphany the other day: The Neverending Story is an entirely different movie when you are an adult.

I watched it with my kids a while back and they loved it. My son requested it daily for several days afterward. The scene with the wolf scared him slightly, but much like Sebastian, he overcame his fear. There are so many memories from that film for me, but they are framed by what they meant to me as a child. The scenes took on new meaning watching it as an adult.

Atreyu resonates with me as much as he did when I was a child, not because he was cool and carefree, but because he embodies the aspects of liberty, dignity, and responsibility that I cherish as an adult. He, even at a young age, took care of himself on the plains hunting the white buffalo. He didn’t show fear when the darkness reared its ugly head. He walked through the gates of the oracle when older warriors had failed.

The monologue from Rockbiter was lost on me as a child. Now, it nearly breaks my heart. “They look like good, strong hands, don’t they?” he said, as he thought about what his hands couldn’t keep hold of. How often have we pondered the same thing as adults? As martial artists? We foolishly believe muscles, size, or even weapons can protect us when the darkness sweeps across our lives. What Rockbiter lacked, as so many of us do, was the one thing Atreyu had in abundance: the mental fortitude and life experience to overcome even the worst of circumstances. He had developed these as a warrior on the plains.

Another item from the film that stuck out to me as an adult (aside from Sebastian’s dad cracking a raw egg into a glass and drinking it; so 1984) was what the storekeeper told Sebastian when he encountered the book. He said, “Your books are safe. While reading them, you get to become Tarzan or Robinson Crusoe… but afterward, you get to be a little boy again… This book is not for you.”

Ponder that for a second. The books you read are safe. There is no skin in the game. Do they take you somewhere or change your perception of the world? Do they make you more aware of your surroundings? Do they reveal things about you or the world around you that make you pause to remember, reflect, or regret? If the answer is no, then what you are reading is safe.

The same questions apply to your martial art. If your training gives you insights, whether physical, mental, or spiritual, you have a redeeming quality in the art. If the art tests you, takes you the brink of defeat and failure, but also empowers you to press forward, it is a useful art. But if the art in which you train claims to have some esoteric principles or secret physical powers that can beat anyone, yet it has never been proven effective in real life against unwilling opponents, then the art you train is safe.

There can be no development of inner fortitude without pressure, both from outside and within. There is no progress of ability without the diligence of training and dedication to principles. There is no growth without skin in the game. If your art does not require that of you, it is too safe.

We often remember the books and films of our childhood with a smile, but when we revisit them with adult eyes, they can reveal our naiveté about the world. We must consistently evaluate our perception against new experiences and new information. I love The Neverending Story because of its connection to my childhood. Now, I love it because it shows me that change and discovery should be a never-ending process. Perhaps it is time for you to open a different book in your life, one that is not safe, one that pushes your limits.

The snooze button is stronger than You? Read this! -Reblog

How often do you hit the snooze button? Maybe this short post will help.

Pointless Overthinking

The circadian rhythmDrawing by Adrian Serghie

Many people “cheat” on their morning routine and they hit the snooze button. Maybe hitting that snooze button is part of the morning routine now. How hard is it for you to wake up in the morning? Do you like pushing that snooze button? Have you ever wondered why?

Research shows that hitting the snooze button is a bad idea for our health because it disrupts our natural sleep patterns and it also messes up with our ability to wake up naturally. When the alarm goes off, our body gets into the waking up process. If we don’t wake up and we touch snooze, our body will try to go to sleep again and this cycle repeats itself a few times if you like playing with that button.

At a high level, after we hit that button, our body will try to go to sleep once…

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Recap and Highlights of the US Sumo Nationals 2019 – Reblog

Here is a recap of the US Sumo Nationals where I and4 others from Georgia competed. I took Silver in the new weight class even though I weighed in as a lightweight. It was fun. We will do it again next year.

North American Sumo

The US Sumo Nationals wrapped up last Saturday (2/9/2019), and what a great day of sumo!  There were so many exciting storylines and amazing matches, most of which I will recap and highlight below.  If you don’t want the results spoiled before watching, however, be sure to watch the complete video of the US Sumo Nationals 2019NorthAmericanSumo.com was lucky enough to get access from Americus Abesamis‏, who has been a major player in North American sumo for quite awhile.  Thank you again, Americus!

If you need an introduction into the US Sumo Nationals 2019, be sure to check out our preview post.  It covers some of the primary competitors, but there were a few surprise appearances this year.  If you have any questions or comments afterwards, be sure to email me at NorthAmericanSumo@Gmail.com.  I am always happy to chat about sumo!  Also, please let me know…

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Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Stoicism: 4 connections between Stoicism and the philosophy of BJJ – Reblog

Stoicism and BJJ: A great combination of practicality for life.

Michael Tremblay

  Greek civilization, Plinth of kouros statue, bas-relief depicting wrestlers, circa 510 B.C., detail, from Kerameikos necropolis in Athens, Greece

   Stoicism is an over two thousand year old philosophy originating in ancient Greece. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) is a modern martial art originating in Brazil. Despite these unique origins, they have a lot in common. I am both a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt, and a PhD. candidate in philosophy studying Stoicism, and I have noticed that my philosophy helps my jiu-jitsu, but my jiu-jitsu also helps my practice of philosophy. Here is a list of the ways in which Stoicism and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu complement one another.

1. Stoicism and BJJ both place responsibility on the individual, and thus empower them to change themselves.

Stoicism is all about the choices we make. As an ethical system it tells us that we are responsible for our reactions to any given situation. If we are unhappy, angry, sad, or otherwise disaffected, it is up to us to change that, and not the…

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Book Review – As A Man Thinketh – Reblog

Here is a nice review of a book with Stoic undertones. Both the book and the review are short and sweet.

The One Right Tool

As A Man Thinketh, by James Allen was originally published in 1902.  Though it’s well over 100 years old at this point, the principles of the book still hold.  The overarching theme of the book is – What we fill our minds with, becomes what our lives are filled with.  This review will be a short one, because it’s a short book. More of a collection of seven essays, all related the the same topic.  My copy is only 40 pages.

An interesting analogy used in the book is to relate your mind to a garden that you are in charge of tending.  Would you put seeds from weed plants in with your fruits or vegetables? If you’ve ever actually tended a garden and fought weeds for a season, you’ll pretty emphatically answer that question with a “hard no”.  Just like the garden, we have to work to keep weeds…

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Training through the years.

The Philosophical Fighter with Gustavo Machado, circa 2009.

Joshua Clements with Gustavo Machado in 2009.

This was me as a fresh white belt at my first seminar with Gustavo Machado, my head instructor. As I near ten years on the mat in Jiu Jitsu, plus the many more in Wrestling and Judo, I can’t help but think about this year and what it will be like. I have never tired of learning something new, and it seems the more I learn, the more the small details make the biggest changes in my game. It is not about adding to, but taking away, in the long run.

I started as a writer and progressed to being an editor. They are two different processes. In the former, I have a blank page and have to fill it up much as an artist does with a blank canvas. This is much the same as being a white belt. You grab techniques and put them in your arsenal. Before long, you have so much that the bag becomes too heavy to bear and you must dispense with something to keep going.

Being an editor is more like being a sculptor. You chip away at the inessential to get to the masterpiece underneath. This is where I like to think of my game. I want to unburden myself from the flashy and fancy techniques. Get back to the basics that make all grappling styles efficient. Just something I am dwelling on lately.

7 New Year’s Resolutions for Martial Artists

  1. Commit to being more disciplined

This year, be more disciplined in your training. Jocko Willink said, “How do you become better? There is only one way – The way of discipline.” This might mean doing more reps during class. You might get there early and do solo drills. Make every move count. With every new year, we should realize we are losing time, so make the most of it.

Be more disciplined in your nutrition. This means eating less crap. Less sugar and sodas. Less processed foods and box dinners. Less fast food (even Chic Fil A. It hurts, I know). Drink more water. I am trying to drink a gallon a day. Yes, I have to urinate often, but I feel more energetic. And let’s face it, as we get older, what we digest can be more effective than what we bench press.

Be more disciplined with your fitness. This doesn’t have to be signing up for a gym membership. It could be as easy as taking the stairs instead of the elevator. On your lunch break, go for a walk. Maybe play soccer with your kids for 20-30 minutes a day. Attempt to move more during the day. And don’t forget to stretch.

  1. Commit to being a better training partner

If you want to be a better training partner, one of the best ways is to focus on using proper technical application. Attempt to always us your technique instead of strength, particularly when you are drilling. It is okay to drill with speed when you are doing tournament preparation, but you should never muscle a move to make it work in training.

When you do get to roll or spar in the gym, don’t be a spaz. We know that white belts can be jerky in their movements. What’s worse is when someone with a colored belt spazzes like a new white belt. There is a reason the phrase “dirty white belt” is a thing. After a few times of that, no one will want to roll with you anymore. Most of us have to go to work the next day and don’t want to be injured by some maniac who can’t watch his speed or strength.

Make it a point to support and get to know your training partners as much as you can. This might mean going to watch or coach them at tournaments. It might mean getting together one weekend to watch fights. Getting to know your team will help you understand what each person needs in the room and how he might help you too.

  1. Grow your community

Speaking of training partners, try to spread the love. Don’t train with the same person all of the time. Various partners will offer you a new perspective and challenge you in different ways. Make it a point to reach out to someone new.

Going along with reaching out to new people, try this: Bring a friend. Our martial arts class is not Fight Club, where the number one rule is to never talk about it. Tell everyone you know (that you trust to choke you) and bring him or her to class.

  1. Reflect on your past and contemplate your future

Look back at what you have learned in the last year. What techniques or discoveries, what accomplishments or goals did you realize? Take a moment to be thankful for those moments and the people that helped make them possible. This also might bring to mind a few areas for you to improve in the coming year.

After you have reflected on the past, take a look at what you want to learn this year. It may mean training outside of your comfort zone. If you are a dirty guard puller, try learning one takedown. If you are an evil leglocker, give wristlocks a try (that’s the ultimate evil). Maybe you want to learn to breathe better during a roll. Add a yoga class to your weekly routine. Does your half-guard game need improvement? Start your rolls in that position. Whatever the facet is that you want to learn, plan for ways to make it happen.

While you are dwelling on what you want to accomplish, ask yourself, “Why is this important?” What will it do to improve your life? If you know the answer to these questions, it will help you stay committed to your goals.

  1. Focus on being happy

Be happy to be able to train. I lost several young people in my life last year, including a long-time training partner who was 44. I spoke about and quoted him in an earlier post. He was happy to be able to do anything as his diagnosis progressed. Every day, he was robbed of something else. Epictetus said, “If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone. Cherish your abilities and opportunities now. Be happy you have them and don’t squander them.

One great way to be happy is to stay away from negative Nancies. If there are people who are draining you of your joy by being negative, kick them to the curb. They are like sirens lulling you to the depths to be drowned. Find people who are interested in getting things done and align yourself to them. A rising tide raises all boats. We want to stay on the surface of the water and rise with it.

  1. Focus on learning, not winning or losing

This is especially true if you compete. The phrase “you win some or you learn some” fits this scenario. The training room should be a sacred place where losing is not seen as a bad event, but treated as a learning opportunity. That’s why we train: to improve our skill set. Epictetus once said, “A man cannot begin to learn that which he thinks he already knows.” If you are dead-set on winning all the time, not only will you be disappointed when you don’t get the victory, but you will also cease to progress as a student and practitioner.

This might mean you need to change the goal of your roll from tapping your training partner to hitting a sweep consistently. Or it might be that you focus on not getting swept against a person who has a great guard game. Viktor Frankl said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are forced to change ourselves.” If the goal is unattainable, change it. That brings me to my last point.

  1. Focus less on what others are doing and more on what you’re doing.

I used to watch my teammates and opponents to see what they were doing. And now and then, I wondered what the newest technique on the block might be. The problem with this is that when I focused on other people, I lost sight of my goals, my strengths, my weaknesses. This year, make it a point not to care about anyone else’s new promotion, gold medal, or flashy technique. This is your journey, so you do you.

Happy 2019, everyone.

 

Quitting: Should I walk away?

Quitting

Should I quit? A question we often ask ourselves.

Have you ever felt like quitting? Whether it’s a martial art, a marriage, or a job, we’ve all felt like giving up the fight at some point in our lives. So what do we do when we face the temptation to walk away?

Let’s look at why people quit. Some do it because of the stress involved in the activity. Others may stop because of a particular person or an undesirable task. In my martial arts experience, many quit because of family and work obligations. Of course, there are those that drop out due to the training being harder than they expected, but I don’t find that to be the norm for the average participant.

One thing we have to realize about not quitting a hobby or even a passion is that in continuing to engage in the habit, I am giving up the opportunity to do something else. In economic theory, this is called an opportunity cost: forgoing one thing in order to do another.

For some of us, that sacrifice is financial. Giving up a few hours at work to be able to train can mean less money in the paycheck. For others, it could be spending a little less time with family and friends. Giving up that drink at the bar on Friday night can be a good thing. Pawning off your children to an in-law every week to train may have drawbacks long-term.

In contrast, what are the benefits of staying the course and continuing to train or strive at your task? First, no expert ever became such by quitting. We will likely never get good at something if we discontinue doing it. And if we develop a certain proficiency, we generally don’t maintain those skills by neglecting practice.

While walking away from something I have spent nearly a decade pursuing would certainly be tough, years invested is not what keeps me coming back in spite of numerous surgeries, broken bones, dislocations, and constant aches. What kind of sadist would I be if I said I enjoyed those woes?

No, the thing that keeps me tethered to my arts at this point is much the same as what keeps me in my marriage. It’s the relationship. The people I have met and have made an impact in my life are what fasten me to the masthead of this ship, even when the sirens are calling to drag me down. This list of inspiring individuals includes my instructors, my training partners, and now my students. Without them, I am not who I am. Each one has left a mark on my life that I cannot deny. Quitting now would be a slap in the face to all of them.

When I think about staying the course, even when it seems impossible, I remember what Paul wrote to Timothy in the Bible, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” I want to be able to say that when I am ready to leave this world. Death may win the fight, but I want him to know he’s been in one. The only way to do that is to keep going, stay the course, and don’t quit.